Sunday, July 3, 2011

Swimming In Circles




Growing up I led a shelted life. My parent's were overprotective and unaware of my feelings. I always felt like I was swimming in circles.

Somedays I felt like I lived in a fish bowl. It wasn't easy for me to make friends. I was shy. I became introverted.  It wasn't that my parent's controled me or abused me, it was that they didn't let me be a kid.

I wasn't able to join in fun activities, allowed to date or even spend the night with my friends. Deep down I guess the reason my parent's were that way was because I was adopted and an only child.

I never questioned their motives out loud, but I often wanted to scream at them. I felt I was being punished for something I didn't do. People saw us as the perfect family, but there were hidden secrets.
 
I continued to swim in circles the older I got. I was growing up and I tried to rebel. I guess it was the natural
course because I had always been sequestered from the outside world

I did love my parent's, but I honestly can say I didn't like them. For a child who grew up without the pleasures of childhood, I guess I became the adult I am today.

I still suffer emotional scars from that time in my life. It wasn't easy living in an era where secrets existed and lies were formed.

Today I still swim in circles because my head is filled with painful memories. Yes, I do have good memories but not many.

Life isn't perfect and mine was far from it. I often dreamt about having a normal childhood, but it wasn't to be. My adulthood was formed from my childhood. I can't go back and change those days, but I guess I will
continue to swim in circles until I can break free.

7 comments:

L.A.C.E. said...

I think many of us feel that way. Hugs. TY for sharng. I love the new name for the blog too :D

Madeline Bartos said...

I'm sorry you have so many bad memories, I could never imagine what this would be like.

Barb said...

Hope you can break free of the bowl - your self-awareness is certainly a good start. Luck to you!

Linda H. said...

Thanks for sharing. You managed to get your point across without being emotional, writing angry comments about your parents, or making the mood a complete downer. I read with interest, felt emphathetic, but at the end I felt there was strength in your words. You acknowledge and accept the past and how it shaped you, and you continue each day to come closer to being who you want to be. In a sense, I guess we all travel that road in some shape or form. Sorry to hear your road started rocky and has been so long.

glnroz said...

you will break free,,, just one happy thought a day with "chip" away at the bindings,,,

Leather Fads said...

Very nice. It was worth reading. Well written.


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Eddy said...
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