Saturday, October 20, 2012

Friday Fictioneers-An Unforgettable Ride

Photo by Ron Pruitt
This week I'm joining the ranks of Friday Fictioneers. This is the last week to be hosted by Madison Woods. Next week you can join Rochelle Wisoff  when she takes over.

What is Friday Fictioneers?
Every Friday authors from around the world gather here to share their 100-words based on a picture prompt and offer constructive crit and encouragement to each other. This creates a wonderful opportunity for free reading of very fresh fiction! Readers are encouraged to comment as well.
 
An Unforgettable Ride
 
"All aboard," the mentally and psychically exhausted bus driver summoned the assorted, weary passengers onto the waiting bus.
 
They formed a line and ten souls clamored aboard the Jefferson bus line headed to their destination. A squalling baby interrupted pleasant conversation among the adult passengers.
 
"Shut that brat up!" An angry male voice called from the back.
 
A buzz of commotion flooded the bus. The baby's cries grew louder. The young mother tried to sooth the upset infant.
 
'Alright, everyone just calm down," the overworked bus driver ordered.
 
The passengers stopped chattering as the bus lurched forward. The last sound heard was the crying baby.

9 comments:

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

Hi Debra,
A lot of good tension build here. For a minute I was afraid the mom might smother the baby. Sad and believable ending nonetheless.
I think a word is missing from your first line. Mentally and physically "what?" driver.
Thanks for sharing your story.

bridgesareforburning said...

Hi Debra,
Welcome aboard the Friday Fictioneers. Enjoy the ride. Your story sounds like a realistic bus experience, but the destination is grim and dark. Like the way you left a lot of the ending to the imagination. Ron

janet said...

Welcome, Debra. You left me wondering what happened to the bus, which is a good thing, as it tickles the imagination. Look forward to reading more from you.

billgncs said...

I am always amazed by people who complain about a crying baby. Do they think the parents want it to cry ?

Good story, it got me all riled up!

Sandra Crook said...

Very convincing - a truly believable scenario with just the right amount of tension.

Lora said...


First of all..Welcome to FF's. I hope the baby's cry will lead her to be found as she may be the only survivor. Nice work.

tedstrutz.com said...

I wonder where that bus went? Welcome aboard FF's, Debra...

Douglas MacIlroy said...

Dear Debra,

This was a very nice story and well told by you.

Aloha,

Doug.

notforallmarkets said...

Oh man. Harsh but true, and like the bus, could go in any direction from here. Eeep!

Post a Comment

Thank you for stopping by. Have a write kind of day!

Template by:

Free Blog Templates